My Spoiler-Free Thoughts on Who I Think Will Win RuPaul’s Drag Race, Season 5, and Why…
So, here’s my long-assed thought process on what I think will be the outcome of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 5, and why. This is totally spoiler-free - I am completely just spitballin’ here. It’s nothing more than what I THINK will happen; but let’s just say I’ve been right before with the other show I’m going to compare it to.
Here it is, quite simply: RuPaul is a business woman. She is not going to want some unlikeable troublemaker representing her brand. Which is why I think this is our beloved Jinkx Monsoon’s contest in the bag. If troublemaker Coco Montrese thinks she’s winning this, she’s sadly mistaken.
Now, I mentioned another show that I’m comparing it to, which is “America’s Next Top Model”. The show has largely followed a similar ”business” formula in that, if you notice, none of the girls who are shit stirrers or troublemakers ever win. Ever. Tyra does not want a girl she’s crowned the winner showing up at a modeling shoot and causing trouble. Sure, a lot of people may have thought Cycle 10 winner Whitney was kind of snotty, but there’s a difference between being kind of snotty and being a complete flat out bitch, which she wasn’t. And more importantly, Whitney never made excuses for herself, and she listened to criticisms. Tyra likes the hard workers who can take their lumps and learn from them; even more so if those girls happen to be sweethearts. Cycle 11 winner McKey is a perfect example - low key, no trouble, not a shit stirrer or a back talker, and she took her criticisms. Many times, it’s not just about being fierce - it’s about who can work with other people, and not embarrass Tyra or more importantly, Tyra’s brand. Know why CariDee won Cycle 7 instead of Melrose? They both brought it, sure. They were both great models. But Melrose had a couple of diva moments: one very early on that she didn’t learn from, and another one during the final runway show. CariDee did have that unfortunate moment when she insulted Nigel, and nearly went home for it - but she learned from it, she was sorry, and she never let that happen again.
How does this apply to Drag Race? It’s the same exact thing. And if you don’t think so, let’s look at a quick overview of the season so far. Who consistently brings it for the challenges? Jinkx. Who’s been steadily improving on the runway? Jinkx. Who never starts shit with other queens? Jinkx. Who minds their own business in the workroom, yet will politely and diplomatically defend themselves if attacked? Jinkx. Quite simply, folks, Jinkx Monsoon is the total package on this show. She is the exact kind of queen that Ru is going to want to represent her brand. This is no different than ANTM - yes, you have to be fierce, but you have to also not embarrass the person who awards you that win.
So, one thing about me, full disclosure here - this is my first full season of Drag Race (I know, I know - I have the shame! Don’t worry, I’m gradually buying the other seasons on iTunes!). I came in during the second half of Sharon’s season, so anyone who has seen seasons one through three, please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong about those winners, because I don’t know them yet. Were the seasons 1, 2 and 3 winners nice? I leave myself in your capable hands! As for Sharon in Season 4 and Chad Michaels in All Stars - again; there’s my theory proven. Two fierce queens, but two very nice people - and BINGO, folks, there are your winners. A shit stirring bitch may make it to the finals (*cough, cough, Phi Phi O’Hara cough!*), but she’s not winning. Can you imagine Ru, much like Tyra Banks, proudly saying, “Look at this mean bitch I just crowned! She’s awful to everyone, so I just had to have her represent me!” Not happening.
Speaking of Sharon, I’d say that the other “Very Nice Queen” who could be a contender in my “Nice Queens Finish First” theory would be Alaska. She’s extremely sweet, above the arguments, and it didn’t surprise me in the least during last night’s episode when Jinkx chose Alaska to confide in about her feelings for Ivy. Alaska has been a very kind person, a good listener, and is diplomatic when there’s dissent in the workroom. Why I don’t think Alaska will win is simple - her relationship with Sharon. Sharon and Alaska are the most high profile couple in drag right now, but it may not look good for Ru if she crowns Sharon the winner of season 4 and then Sharon’s boyfriend the winner of season 5. Plus, she’s gotten harsher criticism from the judges than Jinkx has (some of which is unfair - the comparisons to Sharon, and claiming Alaska doesn’t have a heart was just cruel, wrong and unnecessary. But I’m not a judge on this show). Alaska - other than last night - hasn’t changed up her runway looks the way Jinkx has. Maybe I’m wrong, because other than those small points, Alaska could follow in a close second to Jinkx.
So that’s about it - again, since I’m a late bloomer, anyone who wants to clarify about the season 1-3 winners of Drag Race, I’d be happy to hear from you. But I think my theory, as far as season 5 goes, is spot on. I think - and I hope - that we’re looking at Jinkx Monsoon as the season 5 winner. She brings absolutely everything to the table, including an even temper and a kind heart.
The entire cast of “Law & Order”, past and present, as of March 2003 (Jerry Orbach passed away about a year later) photographed for Vanity Fair magazine by Norman Jean Roy. The only missing cast member was “Ben Stone”, Michael Moriarity.
Vanity Fair Magazine - March 2003. The entire cast of “Law & Order” at that time (with the exception of Michael Moriarity), shot by photographer Norman Jean Roy. This is probably my favorite Vanity Fair photo spread ever.
Mike: Hey that’s a groovy button, what does it say? Micky: Love is the ultimate trip. Mike: Oh, that a nice thought. Micky: Thats a nice button, what does it say? *several takes of them laughing, Mike trying to say* Mike: Save the Texas Prairie Chicken.